A BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY

 "Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get- only with what you are expecting to give- which is everything."  -KATHERINE HEPBURN

"So it's not going to be easy.  It's going to be really hard.   We're going to have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you.  I want all of you, forever and everyday."  -Noah (The Notebook)

That picture is of my parents 75 years ago today, their wedding day.  My mom was just 16 years old there.  My Dad about 8 years her senior.   They met one day when my mom and her best friend were walking downtown and my Dad was with his best friend.  This was just after WWII in which my Dad had served.  By the way, their best friends also married.  Dad and his friend were in his friends car when Dad saw my mom and said to his friend "There's the woman I'm going to marry!"  I think he was actually dating someone else at the time too.  Understandably his friend laughed it off after all he didn't even know the girl who was a good number of years younger than him.  

My dad approached them and asked my mom to go out with him.  My mom told him no! My dad however was a persistent man and would not be discouraged and he continued to ask her out and my mom continued to say no.  The scene in The Notebook where young Noah spots Alli and is persistent in asking her out reminds me of my parents a lot.  Well, eventually my Dad made her a deal.  He said "I'll tell you what, if you will go out with me one time I'll leave you alone.  If you don't want to go out with me after that I won't bother you again."  My mom agreed and obviously she went out with him again.   

I loved hearing my Dad tell their story.  He would recall one night when he brought my mom home late and my grandpa was waiting for them.  Most young couples would be scared to death.  Not my Dad (according to him) .  He said he went right back at my grandpa and told him that he was going to marry my mom and he would bring her home whenever HE saw fit.  Now if you knew my Dad, any boy dating one of us girls would have been risking their life to talk to him that way!  

Obviously they got married and built a nice life for themselves and raised five of us kids on Dad's income from a steel mill alone.  And while we were far from spoiled we weren't hurting at all.  Dad talked about how, unlike what seems to be common today, they made a promise to "smoother each other".  And all in all they did.  I am "the baby" of the family.  The next youngest to me would be one of my brothers and he's 8 years older than me,,7-8.  I often saw my Dad love on my mom in the kitchen or  my mom sitting on my Dad's lap.  We were spoiled with love not the latest gaming system.  I grew up in a family that really spent a lot time together.  We regularly planned daily picnics at state parks or a beach or summers at lake wawasee .  My siblings, though pretty much out of the house from the time I can remember.  I barely remember tormenting my brothers, barely.  But they would pop in pretty much every afternoon.  My family even made breaking beans for canning fun!  We spent a lot of time out back, some of us on the swing.  Others forming a circle by pulling up lawn chairs and we'd talk and joke around while breaking beans.  My mom canned lots of things.  The school bus I rode picked me up and dropped me off a block, block and a half down the road and when mom canned her lime pickles I could smell them strong at the bus stop!  I loved them though.  I never ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at home growing up.  We ate peanut butter and pickle sandwiches.  I'd take a peanut butter and pickle sandwich over a PBJ any day.

They faced their share of very rough times.  Losing parents, siblings and friends but by far the worst that weighed hard on them was losing my brother when he was just 24.  Any time Dad spoke. of him he would get choked up.  As with most any parent who loses a child he set himself up to unrealistic levels thinking he had failed him.  Mom just didn't talk about him, keeping her own heart wrenching grief inside which was likely worse than talking.  But together they got though it.  The only time they nearly didn't make it ,as far as I know of, was when I left home.  Logically, I was the last to go and I had been their last distraction.  Now they had to face finding "them" again and truth be told, as with most parents they had found different hobbies because it's usually one or the other who stays with the kids right?  But thanks be to God, they figured it out.  iI don't know if they  had to let go some or learn to smother again still they made it through.  Were they perfect?  Of course not, nobody is so if you're in or about to get into a marriage know this- a lasting marriage will have it's ups and downs.  It's not something that just works out because you're madly in love.  Love must be nurtured like a child if it's to grow up whole.  They gave us that.

Then tragedy struck.  I was a new mom and it was just before the holidays.  Mom and I were out shopping and she kept veering off running into me.  Then we were pulling out of a parking lot and she pulled out right in front of a car nearly getting us into a bad accident.  I told her she needed to see a doctor and she obviously knew something was wrong because she got choked up and said she had seen her eye doctor and was told everything was fine.  I told her I meant a real doctor.  She made the appointment.  It seemed like forever when she was put in the hospital with the words "It's either MS or a brain tumor.  BUT they said the tumors were usually benign so not to worry".  Right!   I was there when the doctor came in with the results.  I nervously offered to leave the room while he talked to them but they emphatically said for me to stay.  God I wish I could have left.  Mom was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor.  The fastest growing kind-Glioblastoma.  He said it probably wasn't there even three months prior.  Dad was by her side nearly every day after that for the next 9 months.  I went to the American Cancer Society which was amazing by the way.  They arranged a hotel just a matter of blocks away from the hospital.  As long as one of us was there with her Dad would leave long enough to go shower, get a nap in and a change of clothes then he was back.  I lived in the same city her hospital was in mind you but not close enough to convince him to go to my place.  In fact as her cancer returned ,as we knew it would, my Grandmother gave the truth to her son without sugar coating it from what he later said.  She told him that the woman he had loved and shared his life with for 44 years was only holding on for him and that he needed to tell her it was okay for her to go be with Jesus.  I remember we were both staying with her knowing the end was near when Dad asked if he could have some time alone with mom.  I later learned that's when he told her goodbye.  Later I had my own moment with her.  Any time I brought my then 16 month old son in with me to visit with Nanny the nurses would head me off if she was having a bad day and take him to the nurses break room for ice cream, which happened that day.  Her cancer was growing back and in a place that, unlike previously, was in such a place that she would have tremendous headaches and it wouldn't be pleasant,  in addition it had spread to her spine and soon would effect her breathing.  She had a do not resuscitate order.  She didn't want to be put on a ventilator.  Back to our discussion, when I went in she didn't know me and was getting very upset thinking I was messing with her when I kept telling her "Mom I'm Lori, your baby, don't you know me?"  When the nurses brought my son in who my parents always called AJ.  He happily bounced in and hopped up on the chair next to her and with a big smile said "Hi Nanny!"  to which my mother replied clearly "Well hello AJ!"   WHAT!  "Mom if this is AJ who am I?"  She says "Well you're Lori" as if we hadn't just spent the last 20 minutes with me upsetting her trying to get her to recognize me!  We had a very nice visit.  Mostly Mom and Andy talking.  There was a festival going on and I remember Andy seeing a horse out her window.  He would tell her all that he was seeing out her window.  Then the time came when I needed to take him home.  And it was always the same, I would be holding her hand and I'd say "well I'd better get him home.  It's past his bedtime." then I'd give her a kiss on the cheek and She'd say "I Yeah you should.  I'll be here tomorrow."  This time went differently.  I was holding her hand and I gave her a kiss and said the usual but this time she squeesed my hand and said "No you stay awhile.  We need to talk."  I should have mentioned that while I was close to my mother sometimes we would fight like cats and dogs.  She was my inspiration, I wanted most to be a wife and mother.  But I pulled really good grades despite a chronic illness and mom thought I was "wasting my talents by not pursuing career a career" and that was an issue that was brought up often.   So I'm thinking "Oh please don't...not now.." but that wasn't at all how it went.  She was holding my hand and looking me clearly not breaking her eyes from mine and she said "You know, I never really knew YOU.  But after all this I know you now and don't you EVER change..."   I was fighting the tears with my son waiting impatiently to go home.  It was just a few days later ..My Dad and brother had been with her .  I had stayed home with the stomach flu.  I called her room to tell Dad I was on my way just running a bit behind.  My brother answered and told me to stay home and get one more night of good rest.  He said that she actually seemed to be doing much better, so much so that even Dad was going home to get a good nights sleep.  I've never asked him if that was the truth or if they knew she was ready but wouldn't go if one of us was in the room.  He said that one of the nurses offered to sit with her after her shift.  There was a matter of maybe 10 minutes from when they left and when she finished their nurses meeting they had between each shift that my mom passed on.  

This is suppose to be a happy story thought right?  Well it didn't end there.  Some might take this next part as sad but if you put yourself in their shoes...think about it.  Dad managed to get back to "life" but he never loved another woman.  It was actually kind of funny.  He was surrounded by widows where they had lived since I was three months old and  those women were THIRSTY.  They all would bring him food and talk his ear off.  He belonged to a euchre club, and let me tell you nobody liked being Dad's partner because he thought he knew the ONLY way to win and as soon as you threw a card, if it wasn't what he thought you should he'd get so mad, " WHY ON EARTH DID YOU THROW THAT!"    I was a Daddy's girl and could stand on my own up to Dad.   He had raised me that way.  He'd always challenge me to think.  He'd bring up a current issue admittedly just to get me going to see if I could be thinker and hold my own in a respectful yet heated debate yet I didn't like being his euchre partner.  I would because everyone else was even more adamant about NOT being his partner but UGH..Dad would make his way to all of the kids events but he wasn't quite the same...I had been in an abusive marriage and was then a single mom.  I'd put my son in a child carrier and ride over to Dad's most every day.  I loved it.  This was when Dad told me much of what I'm telling you now...the details.  I'd often catch Dad eating popcorn or ice cream for his dinner and I finally got on him and he first snapped then reduced to tears and told me not to take him wrong,  he loved me and my sisters and brothers.  He really loved being a Pappy but he missed our mother.  He said from the moment she left this world he missed her and darn it why shouldn't he eat the things he enjoys?  He was no spring chicken and he was happy as long as the good Lord thought he should stay here but he had no reason to not enjoy what he enjoyed even if, especially if it might mean being with my mom sooner.    I was with my family visiting my in-laws 5 hours away when I called to check on Dad. (He would tell his friends that I was "the doctor in the family.  Hovering over him like a mother hen"). When I called he didn't sound right.  Kind of talking slow, slurring his speech.  I asked him if he was feeling okay and he admitted he wasn't.  He said he thought he was okay to drive himself to the ER which I disagreed with and said I'd come home but he insisted on doing things his way.  I get that from him too.  I checked in with him later and he said he went and they said he was just dehydrated and gave him some fluids and sent hm home.  He was matter of fact as if he was proud that he had been right this time.  I still wasn't at peace with this but he'd gone to the ER and the doctors had sent him home. Then Monday morning he wasn't any better so he went immediately to see his family doctor and it turned out he had a leaking heart valve.  So bad that his doctor had his nurse/wife drive him to the hospital which meant basically driving around the building and parking lot.  So bad that while he knew that a different hospital about 30 mins away was better equipped for the surgery he needed, he wasn't sure he could take the trip.  Eventually they decided to move him to the other hospital.  Once again I was sick so my eldest sister stayed with him at the hospital.  My Dad never missed one of my son's football games but we spoke to him on the phone and he told me son that he was going to have to miss this one but he'd be at his jamboree.  Then he spoke with me and I told him I could come there right now but as with my son He reassured me and told me to stay home and get better.  His surgery went well but it was still wait and see.  I felt like I should be there with every fiber of my being but everyone reassured me.  Then he crashed.  Meaning his bp dropped too low which meant he was bleeding out.  I was totally freaking out.  (Like I said, keep yourself in their shoes...this is THEIR love story.)   I finally called my cousin who was a cardiac nurse and she told me to put a mask on and go see my Dad.  So I did.  He wasn't conscious but I believe he knew I was there.  They didn't want me to stay in with him long so I fully intended to stay in the waiting room with my sister but she and the nurses reassured me that everything would be fine.  If he did crash again I didn't live far and they'd call me and I could come back.  My husband and I had barely gotten home he had changed for bed but I couldn't.  I sat on the bed then told him I had to go back and he knew when I was like that don't bother arguing and got up...I had my coat on and was heading out when the phone rang.  Dad was gone.  My father passed 10 years to the day and nearly to the exact time  as the woman he loved and missed so dearly for ten years.  Let me say that again...TEN YEARS TO THE DAY AND NEARLY THE EXACT SAME TIME AS THE WOMAN HE HAD LOVED FOR A LIFETIME.  They had married at a young age, an age that many marriages fail simply due to all the growing emotionally and maturing that takes place during that stage in life and they made it.  It's hard to be sad when you think about it that way isn't it?